Happy birthday Bapi

The hardest part of watching someone you love go through pain is that you’re reminded of exactly how helpless love can make you feel. Love takes away your logic and your composure and your power and your rationality. Everything that makes you feel secure and certain and in control is lost. You’re just left with feelings. Pain and worry and deep cuts and concern and fear and constant powerlessness.

This is the cost of love. Even if your brain logically had no say in this, this is what your heart and your soul agreed to when they decided to love. It’s alarming and scary and confusing. It can drive you insane and make you feel defenseless. But that is the cost of feeling something strong and real and deep.

You cannot love someone if you feel nothing when they are in pain. You can feel “bad” for someone going through something if you feel affectionate or infatuated towards them. But you don’t love someone until the idea of them experiencing any kind of suffering makes you feel sick. Until the idea of them experiencing pain tears your heart out. Until you’d be ready to do anything or take on anything if it meant that they could be free from whatever pain they are experiencing.

It’s difficult when someone you love is in pain. But it’s reality. We all suffer. We all go through things and we all experience pain. It’s what makes us human. But it’s also what allows us to form such strong connections with other humans. As my mom always says, “The deeper the love, the deeper the pain.”

It’s hard to accept the powerlessness that love brings us. It’s hard to accept the hurt and the helplessness and the endless worry. It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer. But at the end of the day, it’s a reminder – a very strong reminder – that what you feel is deep and honest and real. What you feel is vulnerability and pain. And what you feel is the very thing that is going to connect you to someone else, long after they’re gone.

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