Last few words from Pune..

As i pass through hinjewadi on my way to baner  i wrote few lines , though below mediocre but would have written in a letter for her, it goes like,

Really don’t know how & why I fell for you,
But believe me, the best thing ever happened to me, was, you,
The moments left, no matter how eva few, Just want to spend each of them beside you…..

When ever we talked, there was a hope it should never ever end,
And wished there was a way our ways could ever blend,
Now with countable breaths in my account,Ponder, to make you believe, what memories could I send,
But no, its too late now and being surrounded by,darkness and hopelessness standing before me is the end…..

Yeah, the each time it beats more, more is the pain that I suffer,
Hope you were here, could have acted as a buffer,And yes, I can feel it, the time is near,
Just wanna put an end to all this, hoping, conditions up there, differ….

Tired, I close my eyes forever, with the image of mine being with you,
With the wish that in some other birth would spend my whole life with you, And why not they say last wishes do come true,
Really don’t know how & why I fell for you,But believe me, the best thing ever happened to me was, you! I have loved you very sincerily. I waited to flower a dead log.

But now my time has come.

I will spend 2 days in pune re live these days then will be off to trambakeshwar  where we did our rudraavishekh from there to mahabalwshwar where we spent two days if you remember and from there to alibaug where we spent 4 days in the same beach resort.

I will live every moment for the last time. To every citi  we visited every hotels we stayed and say thank you Mekh and thank you for being with me in my life journey.

I want to thank for all the happiness she gave me.

I want to trash her for the hell she knowingly put me through.

I want to apologize her for letting her down many times in many ways.

I want to befriend her so that i can extend my care and support forever, because I really loved her, though the things went so wrong, in the way we never expected.

I want to tell her I will love her forever even though she don’t deserve me.

I want to make her understand that this is the end. Our relationship is damaged beyond repair. It’s time for me to let you go. I can’t take it anymore.

I want her to know that she is the my best and my worst.

But I won’t say a word. I already gave her a great deal of pain and don’t wan’t to hurt her again.

I will stare into her eyes for a few seconds and silently leave that place (with wet eyes if i couldn’t control myself).

Kabhi raste mein mil jao to, katrakar guzar jaana Hame iss tarah se takna jaise pehchaana nahi tumne,Hamara zikra jab aaye to yun anjaan baan jaana ke jaise naam sunkar bhi hame jaana nahi tumne.

Dear readers these are my last few words. DANU , I want to keep it forever.
God or the universe or whatever one chooses to label the great system of balance and order does not recognize Earth-time. To the universe, four years with my Mekh is no different than four billion light years. I try to keep that in mind.
I want to love her the way I do now the rest of my life. Don’t you understand… we’ll lose it if we leave. I can’t make an entire life disappear to start a new one. All I can do is try to hold onto to both. Help me. Help me not lose loving her.

And in the end when I am no more spread my ashes over each place I have relieved with my Mekh.

Danu remember, We are the choices we make, Vale.

Neil

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