Few thoughts .. ..

Friends, The thoughts in my head sometimes just keep on running like a madman! They won’t stop for anything! I lose my sleep, my rest, my sanity. Except her, I have not even a single person who knows me and I know her. No one knows me, I know no one.

I was not like this. I used to be open and trusting. My friends and family knew exactly who I was. When I came to this foreign land(pune) to live my life, I was still the same. Got hurt too much, too many times. Got ridiculed and shunned for being myself. They made me think I’m all wrong. Divulging myself honestly to friends was not acceptable anymore. Trusting friends with yourself and your secrets was not the norm anymore. Everything just changed.

So as a defense mechanism, I made a cocoon for myself. I put myself in there whenever I’m around my new founded friends in this foreign land now. I love them, laugh with them, make memories with them but a huge part of me-I keep hidden. I feel, I owe that to myself.

I have experienced amazing moments with a lot of inspiring people especially with my soul mate mekh. But I have been the subject of extreme cruelty and abuse too. I have stood up on my own feet every time I have been crushed down in business. Sometimes it just took longer to get up though. I did not know tiredness and insecurity was creeping inside of me day by day. I feel it now. I can not trust anyone 100% anymore since she deserted me. Of course, except my dad and piya. I’m scared to death even thinking about losing any one of them any more. They are silently like the pillars that are holding me together knowing that my soul belongs to someone else, still. Sometimes they break me down too, but not out of disregard or hatred. Because, they do care.

Care, such a randomly used word in this world now, seldom people really do care. We judge anyone so quickly, laugh and gossip on other people’s misfortunes. Even if it’s our friend! We are just hungry for amusements nowadays, not stopping and thinking what if…It happens to us. What if that person was me? Do I know where the person is coming from? What she/he has been through? We are just happy assuming our own found facts with our twisted minds and silently or aggressively proclaiming our judgments.

Human beings now buy friendship with money, society given status and so quickly. Just click on the accept friend request on facebook and linked in! You have a new friend! But we seldom stop and try to get to know that new friend. That person. We only are friends for partying, to keep our social calendars busy, shopping, gossip and just fun! We don’t want to be there when that person breaks or falls. We don’t want to know their problems or sorrows cause we think ours is the worst and we don’t have time for this useless compassion and empathy.

We don’t want to get sad or troubled so we don’t rush anymore when our friends are there battling through their demons. Why blame us? We did not even get to know that person we called friend first! We only spent some fun times together, partying it up! Being convenient!!!

Have fun folks…….

Neilmekh

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