Love will require you to change!!

It’s August, the month dedicated to my ex wife’s birthday, Cupid’s arrow and pink cupcakes. If you are over 40, like me, you’ve probably learned by now that love isn’t always sweetness and joy.

My first brush with love’s painful nip came at 42, when my Mekh  called to let me know that she wanted to break up with me and that she had hooked up with her husband. Four years later, I still remember the stabbing pain that shot through my heart as I realized Def Leppard was right: Love Bites.

Fortunately, love has its highs too. Like the excitement I felt when planning to reconnect with someone who had been lost to me for more than four years, or the initial flutters in my tummy when the best looking girl in the room pulled up a chair next to me and said, “How you doin’?”

Through all the highs, lows and lessons love has brought me, there are a few things I have finally figured out that help me to continue courageously journeying down love’s path:

1. You will enter your next relationship as healthy as you left your last.

The amount of work you put into your current relationship will sow the seeds for your next. One of the most powerful things you can do for yourself and your partner is to stop blaming someone else for the issues at hand and own those “stuck” areas within yourself that need attention. Even if the relationship ends, it’s worth the effort to work on it to ensure the next one has a better chance for success.

2. Real love allows you to be who you really are.

Love will require you to change. And while it’s normal to work on some of the oddities that annoy your true love; real love allows you to be authentically yourself. This means who you are at your core, not the persona you might be inclined to wear. Real love allows you the freedom to express yourself and grow as a human being. If you feel as if you never quite muster up to your special love’s expectations, it might be time to stop the ride and jump off.

3. The heart is every bit as strong as the mind … and often stronger.

Try to imagine the conversation a religious leader on the brink of disaster has with his or her heart, saying things like, “Do not give in to the lust you are feeling, it goes against all you stand for.” I’m sure, after they’re on national TV, they remember their mind most likely tried to bring sense to the situation. But, in those crazy frenetic moments of passion and attraction, their heart won out. Always respect the power of your heart and know it can change the course of your life.

4. When love bites, you can move on.

In the seconds following your (former) precious love’s arrow piercing your heart in a hurtful way, you might think you’ll die and never love again. As a stalwart survivor of previous heartbreak, I can tell you that it’s in these moments you can trust that, while you may never be the same, you will eventually be able to love again. I believe that stepping up to the plate, owning your own stuff, finding your role in endings and not closing the door to more love is the key to moving on. Allow yourself to feel the pain and, at the same time, trust that someday an attractive someone will pull up a chair next to you and say, “How you doin?” and your heart will flutter in response.

5. You can only love others as much as you love yourself.

I believe our journey here on earth is to find our way back to unconditional self-love. It is an arduous journey, as we attempt to undo all the conditioning and negative thoughts that began the very first time we heard someone we love say, “You are bad.” It’s during uncomfortable moments with others we are able to bring forward aspects of ourselves that have remained hidden or avoided. If you feel love for others, trust me, you will find things within yourself that need work.

I love my Mekh very much . We had a perfect chemistry. But then destiny seperated us.
And it will bring us back. If I have not lost her love in four years.  I am sure. It won’t fade the rest of my life.

My heart is broken.

One of the people that I love most in this world has cut off contact from me. And at times it feels as though I can barely breathe.

Never in a million years would I have thought that something like this could happen to us. But it did. It  happened.

In 4 years of relationship she was pregnant 4 times.
We rarely fought and we’ve always said, “I love you,” with ease. My care for her (and hers for me) has been a given for as long as I can remember.

image

So how is it possible to go from that to this? How can you love someone so purely, only to have him exit your life in a flash?

These are the questions that make us shake our heads in utter disbelief. The answers just aren’t there.
And yet, it happens. I imagine it happens a lot. Relationships bottom out, and regardless of the love that exists, things fall apart.

Mekh, my friends call me “Beautifully Broken”, you really are an artist.

I miss my Mekh so much. Yes Mekh it’s neha lele and yes I am still breathing inside you.
Take care of your heart.

I love you.

Neilmekh

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9 thoughts on “Love will require you to change!!

  1. There is a tenderness and vulnerability to the way you open your heart. Others have taken advantage of you in the past…simply because they do not know how to love like you. Don’t be discouraged…someday someone will peer through your scars and see all the love you have to give but remember this…when you finally see their heart…be gentle…because you will be looking through scars similar to your own.

    You are amazing .Absolutely.

  2. Truly loving another means
    letting go of all expectations.
    It means full acceptance,
    even celebration of another’s
    personhood. ❤

  3. *🌹जब भी निकलना चाहा तेरी यादों से इक पहरा सा नज़र आया…..*

    *घर में आईने कई बदले मगर इक तेरा ही चेहरा नज़र आया…..

    Neil very nice blog. Covers a loth of emotions.

  4. Sometimes it hurts to love so bad
    (when you know you’ve given all you can)
    Sometimes it hurts to even laugh
    (you do your best but still it’s much too sad)
    Sometimes the pain is just too much
    And it hurts like hell
    That’s the way it feels
    True love it has no hiding place
    It’s not something you just put away
    It’s always there inside of you
    And it shows in everything you do .

  5. Neil,If you love someone truly and you know that you two belong together and will be happy together and you cannot imagine your life with anyone else, then honestly you ought to try a bit more for making her a part of your life. That is all that matters. Its all about choices. Is the “genuine problem” so grave that there is no way left for you both to be together ? Believe me you don’t want to live with regrets your whole life that you did not give it your best shot / one last try.
    Well, if you have finally decided to part ways, then my friend give some time to heal yourself. Remember this is not the end.Shift your focus on family, friends, career or things that you always wanted to do. Time ultimately heals everything. Easier said then done, but this is the only choice you have.

    1. Dear Jenny,

      No I refuse to dumb my energy down
      Why should I?

      I stand alone, without my Mekh knowing
      never alone that “I” stand!
      Like our heartbeat supersedes our conscious programs,
      so the force that holds me is grand.

      Pissed really, that others do not make conscious choices, when the absolute TRUTH is given!
      Is it only me that is pissed, asking really, as helping others to truth I am driven!

      This life energy, designed by us all,
      each with our paths to follow…
      My being will not care about your hurts, pain or sorrow, as nothing helps you grow more then sorrow!

      Respect is needed
      I bow
      to the everlasting process
      I allow!

      Pissed still
      NEIL

  6. 💋
    crazy, just as much as you are,
    I see so much of me in you really
    and you scare me to the highest joy
    beyond my imagination, so silly

    my honor to you is in the highest regard
    how could it not be, we are ONE
    admiring all your “quirky” as you move
    all makes sense, challenging and fun,

    all your dreams that I join you in
    some fanciful longings you possess
    what a delight to join your fulfillment
    as you also accommodate mine and bless.
    Neilmekh pure you are.

    1. I love, because my love is not dependent
      on the object of love.
      My love is dependent on my state of being.
      So whether the other person changes,
      becomes different, friend turns into a foe,
      does not matter,
      because my love was never dependent
      on the other person.
      My love is my state of being.
      I simply love.”

      Neil

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