I love you Mekh.
I love you Mekh.
Friends, the emotions become less intense until they stabilize into something that is just a part of your everyday life. Without the intensity, the motivation eventually fades, and that’s when things get comfortable.
Once you’re in the comfort zone, the relationship either becomes stale and unappealing (this is when things don’t work out) or it evolves into a two-player team (this is when you stay in love), depending on what you do next.
If you truly want to stay in love, you must always choose love — a choice built on the foundations of communication, acceptance and selflessness.
It means being honest with your significant other while being true to yourself and understanding that compromises are the key to all healthy relationships.
It means connecting and sometimes disconnecting, but always discussing your feelings without blame, assumption and insults so that you never go to bed angry.
It means knowing that your partner will make mistakes, but always speaking before reacting so that the two of you can learn and grow from the experience.
It means that even when you don’t feel love in any given moment, you do not give in to the short-term emotions and will instead behave and communicate with tenderness and patience, share your vulnerabilities and consciously decide to forgive and move forward.
These feelings propel us to make some of the most irrational decisions or perform unexpected, romantic tasks, like staying up all night, talking on the phone despite having midterms or an important client meeting the next day, making breakfast just because or driving 1400 kilometer to spend a day with her.
Emotions, especially love, passion and happiness, are our strongest motivators because we will do anything to maintain them.
However, we often fail to realize that it never lasts. What goes up, must come down and sometimes, the high lasts for a couple of months and sometimes, it can last for a couple of years.
We are often blinded by the illusion that everything good is infinite and invincible. Once you come down and reality sinks, it gets a little tricky.
This is for my love Mekh..
I’ve fallen in love twice and stayed in love once.
When it happened the first time, I was naïve, emotional and idealistic, but was left extremely broken and unaware.
I spent a lot of time thinking about why things didn’t work out how we had intended. It was easy until it wasn’t.
The second time I fell in love was quite the opposite experience.
I was cautious, skeptical and built an emotional fortress for protection.
But eventually, it all came crumbling down, brick by brick, until I was back in that familiar place. All that mattered was that she and I were happy and that everything felt good.
And, that’s what falling in love is. It’s a natural high, a rush of intense emotions — anticipation, warmth, euphoria and fear — that takes you by force.
You never really see it coming, and then unexpectedly, it all catches up and you eventually realize there’s no turning back.
When you find yourself at that sweet spot, you think, “This is where I want to be. I want to stay right here, forever.”
I love you…
Radha, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store.
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her few groceries on credit.
She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.
Kamsa, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.
Visualizing the family needs, she said: ‘Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can.’
Kamsa told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store.
Krishna, standing beside the counter, overheard the conversation between the two. He walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family. The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, ‘Do you have a grocery list?’
Radha replied, ‘Yes sir.’ ‘O.K’ he said, ‘put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries.’
Radha hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the grocer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down..
The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the Krishna and said begrudgingly, ‘I can’t believe it.’
Krishna smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.
The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said:
‘Dear Krishna, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands.’
The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.
Radha thanked him and left the store. Krishna handed a Gold coin to the grocer and said the Creator Knows how much a prayer weighs.
“Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning”- Unknown
It’s been said that there are only 3 people in our lives that we fall in love with, and each of them for a given reason.
The first one we usually meet in our teenager years, perhaps high school. It is an innocent love, one that sounds like the love stories we read in fairy tales.
This is the love that complies to the expectations of society, and perhaps our families. We enter into it believing that it’ll be our first and only love. Even when, at times it doesn’t seem exactly right, we find ourselves having to censure personal truths to make it work, and this we insist on doing because we believe that compromising our characters is a part of what love is supposed to be.
Because during this type of love, what others think of us is more important of how we actually feel.
This one is a love that only looks right.
The second one is the one that’s supposed to be the tough love: the one that will teach us lessons about who we are and what we’re searching for in love. This is the love that hurts, full of lies, pain and manipulations.
We think we’re making a smarter choice than our first love, but choice, although it might not be the right person, is a necessary evil if we are to discover what we want from love. This second love can become a vicious circle, one that we might oftentimes repeat because we firmly believe that the ending will be somehow different than before. And, nonetheless, every time is worse than the previous.
It can even get nasty, unhealthy and frustrating. Oftentimes there can be physical, certainly emotional abuse, and always an enormous amount of drama. Just like a soap opera, this drama is exactly what keeps us addicted to the storyline. It’s like a junkie trying to get a fix: it’s an emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and devastating lost. We stick through the pain in anticipation of the high.
During this kind of love, trying to make things work becomes more important than reconsidering whether they actually should.
This is the love that we wish was right.
The third love is the one that catches us off-guard. It’s the one we don’t see coming, because it looks all wrong and seems to be opposed to all our ideals of what love is supposed to be. This love comes by so easily, that at times it seems unreal. It’s the kind of connection that can’t be explained, and it sends us tumbling head over heels because, unlike the others, we never plan this one.
In this love when we come across the right person, it just clicks- there aren’t any expectations of what is supposed to happen or how the other person is supposed to act, nor is there pressure to be someone we’re not.
The person accepts us for who we are, and it shakes us to our core.
It’s probably not what we thought our love would look like, and it’s very possibly against all the rules we set up to protect ourselves. But it still manages to bring down our preconceived notions, and to show us that real love doesn’t have to coincide with the concept in our head in order for I to be true.
This is the love that keeps knocking on our door no matter how long it takes for us to answer.
It’s the love that makes us feel like the best version of ourselves.
Maybe not all of us are lucky enough to recognize, or even meet all his loves in a lifetime. This is perhaps because we’re not yet ready for them. Maybe we need to learn everything that love isn’t, so that we can learn what it is.
Some of us need perhaps a couple of years to learn each lesion, others maybe a lifetime. Sometimes it’s not a question of whether we’re ready for love, but whether love is ready for us.
And there are also those of us, who are so lucky to come across love Nr. 3 first, and find it passionately lasts a lifetime. Those loved-up pictures of 90-year old grandparents acting as if they were teenagers, make us wonder whether we really know how to love at all.
But, anyone who manages to find their third and true love is just as lucky, being smarter for having gone through those experiences of pain and heartbreak.
What it all really comes down to, is whether we focus ourselves on how we love, or how much we love. We can choose to remain with our firs love, the one that looks good on the outside and pleases others. We can choose to remain with our second love, under the pretence that, if we don’t have to fight for it, it’s not worth having. Or ultimately, we can choose to wait for our third and true love.
The one that makes you feel like home with no obvious reason, the one that’s not turbulent like a storm, but rather like the quiet that comes after it.
There’s something special in our first love, something inevitably necessary about our second, and something amazing about our third True love.
Wish you a merry christmas dear Mekh.
For those who love me…final cut.
Humans aren’t stupid, although I call them that every day, grumbling about the idiocy everywhere. People always know when they are in love. There is no such thing as true love and false love. It’s love. You could be the most cold-hearted realist or you may be the scientist who thinks that love is just dopamine-fired neural pathways.
But when “that person” walks into your peripheral vision, you know that it’s more than just dopamine.
How many times has this scenario of your love walk into the room, been written in beautiful words? Why? Because people know. It wouldn’t be the most sought after resource on the planet if people didn’t know.
You know when you are in love.
Then why would you let “that person” go?
Imperfections are just that – imperfections.
It’s trivial. As unimportant as it can get.
“He won’t stop smoking”
But does that cigarette make him a different person? His bitter cigarette mouth still takes you to the rainbows when you kiss him.
“She drinks too much”
Her hair feels as warm and soft when you are holding her by the commode when she is puking. And you don’t feel at all disgusted when the puke hits the pot.
Imperfections are what makes the person perfect. There is no one out there with the perfections you crave for.
That person by your side with the toothy grin or the huge scar is the perfect imperfection.
It will never be the same.
All the stolen kisses in crowds and the bodies held tightly against each other will never feel the same. Ever. Even with another person, however handsome or beautiful he/she is. Every touch feels a bit too warm or too cold. Every hug too tight or too loose. Every kiss will leave you incomplete. You will never do the same things with someone else, even if you do them all over again.
Because the heart remembers.
Everyone else is just temporary
That pretty girl who tucks her hair behind the ear while she too-frequently smiles at you, or the guy who seems too handsome and nice at the same time are not worth it. It’s temporary. Yes, they seem better that the deal you have right now, but they are not. Even if you leave, your heart always stays at home.
When you realize this and come back, and do not find that person home because he/she left. That person has someone else now. Was this fling you had worth it? Because now your heart will weep.
No, it’s not gonna be OK
You will fall in love again, yes you have a partner for life. You learned your lesson and now you truly want to settle down? Why didn’t you do it with that person earlier? No. It’s not because you weren’t ready. You were just too afraid.
Your brain is smart. It will reassure you and rationalize that you needed that as a stepping stone, like that experience of a heartbreak was necessary because you are a better person now because of it.
No. Your present commitment will always be a shadow compared to the non-commitment you had with that person. You can deny it all you want, but when you are alone, ask yourself the question. From the far recesses of your being will come the true reply, not clothed in flawed logic and rationales.
You will regret it someday.
We hide our instincts under the garb of logic and reasoning. The moment you let that person go, you regret it. And no, it’s not a withdrawal symptom.
Withdrawal symptoms don’t last a lifetime.
When you are old and worn out with wrinkles and you see that person walk by the old street in the old town, your heart will scream. You will ignore it with wisdom and intelligence, but it is what it is.
Looking the other way doesn’t make the monster behind you disappear.
It’s just not right.
Everyone deserves love. Everyone craves it. Even the monsters amidst us. It is the absence of love that creates them.
You found it. You, a normal person. You are living with love.
Taking yourself away or letting it go away is just wrong. For you and for that person too. Because you deserve the fullness of it, even if it tastes sour every once in a while. Especially, if it tastes sour every once in a while.
No one likes everything to be too sweet for too long.
Watch the imperfections, the quirks and the weirdness of that person you love. Watch them for two minutes.
In your head, just take these imperfections away for two seconds, and that person isn’t the person you fell in love with anymore.
Go the distance, make sacrifices, because unlike careers and yachts and money and a big house, love lasts forever.
Even when you think it doesn’t exist in denial, it will. It’s what love is.
Don’t let it go. And if you have lost it, go, get it back.
Love you always..